What's new? he calls
or emails, and is surprised
no one's told him X was sick
or that Y had moved.
"Well, if you were on Facebook,"
they say. Which he's not.
So he doesn't get the news like
as soon as something happens.
I mean, who has time
to send out individual emails
when EVERYbody's already all connected
with EveryOtherbody already all connected
24/7 on Facebook?
Seriously. Get with it.
This is the 21st century.
They find it weird that he goes Facebookless.
Disconnected from The Hub,
he's left in the dark,
not part of The Club.
"Come look at my photo!", a cousin invites -
on her Facebook page, of course, which
he can't see unless . . .
he signs up to join Facebook.
"Er . . . Can you just send the image to me by email?" he asks.
and gets the reply:
"WHY AREN'T YOU ON FACEBOOK?"
He does get their "forwards", though.
The multiple-recipient kind, group targeted, of
endless jokes about old age,
funny videos of animals that talk, or fart, or dance,
cute images of puppies or kitties or babies,
stunning landscapes, set to music, overlaid with prominent proselytizing soul-talk script,
emotional reunions of complete strangers, to uplift him,
more jokes about aging bodies, stubborn beer bellies, stupid sayings, senior moments,
an invitation to pass along a chain-letter message to 20 close friends to show that he has empathy.
Not that he doesn't occasionally enjoy such gifted entertainment It's when
their habitual, knee-jerk, sent-out lookee-sees substitute for actual, personal contact.
UnFacebooked, he sinks into Looplessness -
Totally curable, though, they tell him
He just needs to, well,