The Washington Post a few years ago published a contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Here are a few of the winners:
* Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
* Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
* Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.
* Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
* Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
* Dopeler effect (n.), The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
* Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
* Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
* Foreploy (n.), Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
* Frisbatarianism (n.), A belief that when you die your soul goes up on the roof and gets
* Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
* Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
* Glibido (n.), All talk and no action.
* Hipatitis (n.), Terminal coolness.
* Inoculatte (n.), To take coffee intravenously.
* Inspissator (n.), one who inspires covert micturation.
* Intaxication (n.), Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was
your money to start with.
* Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
* Negligent (adj.), a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
* Osteopornosis (n.), A degenerate disease.
* Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
* Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
* Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediatelybefore he
* Reintarnation (n.), Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
* Sarchasm (n.), The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
* Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
* Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.