Ever wonder how they come up with the names for the meds pharmaceuticals develop and market?
My fun wordplay for the day is to concoct a pharmictionary describing the meanings that immediately come to mind when I hear the names of certain drugs.
Okay, here goes:
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Abilify = The capacity to construct and mail out an invoice.
Prozac = Everybody who’s not against Zack.
Accutane = An additive that keeps your car from coughing.
Allegra = Increases music appreciation in haters of classical music.
Amerge = What they call the fusion of two lanes into one on the highway.
Botox = What happens when the interrogator threatens Beau.
Antivert = An opponent of the Green Movement.
Bleph = Noun generally applied to persons endowed with excessive blandness.
Celebrex = What divorcees do when the papers become final.
Cialis? = You'll find her at her restaurant, of course.
Dynapen = A large, enclosed structure used to protect the bones of prehistoric animals from museum-goers wishing to touch them.
Femring = A group of women knitting squares for a quilt; or the hum of your cell phone indicating a woman is calling you.
Flomax = The result of taking too many laxatives.
Gardasil = A protective covering for window ledges.
Lipitor = Guided visit to a lipstick factory.
Lunesta = Annual festival to honor the moon.
Lyrica = Popular name often adopted by some female singers.
Macrobid = A huge amount of money offered for an item at an auction
MiraLAX= Used by lazy people reluctant to clean their mirrors.
Maxair = What an air conditioner will give you if you push the right button.
Mentax = Not the same as Femtax, but both payable at the end of the year regardless of gender.
Pataday = What you should give yourself if you keep to your daily writing schedule.
Prepidil = The act of getting a certain type pickle ready to be sliced.
Remicade = Name for the section of the mall where former research subjects congregate to relive their REM sleep-study experiences.
Requip = A rejoinder by someone who just has to get the last word in.
Toradol = A small stuffed animal sold as a souvenir to tourists exiting the Spanish bullfight arena.
And finally, a made-up one: Darpacet = A defense-related project go-ahead, as in, “All set”. (DARPA = Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency).
As if I have nothing else to do today, ha ha.
My all-time-favorite on this list is the first one: "Abilify." All the other terms could pass as nouns. Abilify is the only one that sounds like a verb. In keeping with former pharmtrends they should have nounified it. But it would sound ridiculous:
"I'm taking Viagra. What do you take?"
-- "Me? I got something called Abilification."
"Oh jeez, I hope it's nothing serious, man."
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I rest my case, LOL.